Anxiety: Avoidance

The psychology of avoidance: stop putting things off

Anxiety and avoidance often go hand in hand. As a university counsellor, I see this pattern of avoidance again and again. For students, avoidance coping can feel like a way to escape from the pressure of academic demands, fear of failure, or social anxieties.

In psychology, avoidance coping is a maladaptive coping mechanism characterised by the effort to avoid dealing with a stressor.  For example, avoiding or delaying a difficult conversation can hurt the relationships and create other negative outcomes. More often than not, confronting a problem or dealing with a stressor is the only way to effectively reduce the stress it causes. 

Avoidance provides temporary relief from anxiety, shame and other uncomfortable feelings.

However:

• Avoidance can create more anxiety in the long run.

• Avoidance can be frustrating to others.

• Avoidance may allow problems to grow.

Activity: List five things you are putting off or avoiding right now…(examples: going to the dentist, making that phone call, finishing an assignment etc.)

“Avoidance is a short-term solution; it is not a long-term solution.””

In what ways do you avoid things?

Examples include:

• Procrastination

• Social or emotional withdrawal

• Using rationalisation as a defence

• Rumination

• Ignoring or denying problems

• Cancelling plans

• Using substances

• Excessive work or activities

Avoidance often results in a vicious loop that reinforces itself over time. This cycle is particularly common in situations of high stress, such as during university life, where tasks, responsibilities, and expectations can feel overwhelming. See example below:

“Strive for stress management rather than stress avoidance.”

If avoidance coping is protecting us, then what is it protecting us from? 

Examples include:

• Discomfort

• Emotional pain or distress

• Threat to ego – we don’t want our true abilities evaluated (link to perfectionism).

• Negative evaluation or judgment

• Fear of failure

• Fear of conflict

Don’t bury your head in the sand! The first step to overcoming avoidance coping is becoming aware of when and why you're using it. Notice patterns in your behavior— are you procrastinating? Avoiding difficult conversations? Once you identify these patterns, you can start to address the root causes.

Tip: Keep a journal where you track when you feel the urge to avoid something. Write down the situation, your feelings, and what you did instead. This will help you gain insight into your avoidance tendencies.